Getting divorced can be a troubling situation to find yourself in. You may be reluctant to go through with it for many reasons, especially if you are the one who is served the papers. If you have kids, it’s important that you prioritize their well-being above all else. After all, the last thing you want is for your divorce to traumatize your kids.

If you aren’t careful when approaching the situation, your kids may suffer from it. A Columbia, MO divorce lawyer can help you plan ahead and put your children’s needs first.

Getting Divorced When You Have Kids

It may be safe to assume that most people who get married do not expect to end up getting divorced. Marriage is supposed to be an eternal bond shared by two people in love. When something irreparably damages that bond, the fallout to your life can be catastrophic and difficult to accept. One of the trickiest things to come to terms with in your divorce is a child custody arrangement, especially if your relationship with your ex-spouse has become contentious.

It’s understandable to want to protect your kids from the seriousness of grown-up issues. You may feel a natural inclination to shield them from anything bad, including your own personal strife. However, children are remarkably receptive to the world around them, especially when it comes to their parents. They may already be aware that something has happened between you and your spouse. They may be worried it’s their fault. You have to reassure them it isn’t.

According to information from the CDC, the divorce rate in Missouri in 2022 was 2.7 out of 1,000. This ranks Missouri fairly high with regard to divorce frequency in the country, and many of those divorces may result in a contentious co-parenting relationship where children’s stability is jeopardized. If you are a single parent struggling with divorce, you may want to reach out to a local support group, such as Parents Without Partners or NAMI Missouri.

How to Prioritize Your Kids in a Divorce

Your kids may end up taking your divorce even harder than you do. It’s easy to slip into bad habits and become an unfit parent, but it’s vital to your kids’ welfare that you do whatever you can to keep that from happening. As you navigate a new normal with your kids by your side, it’s important to recognize that you are going to stumble. You’re going to make mistakes.

The important thing is that you maintain consistency and hold yourself accountable to being a stable, loving parent for your child.

Here are some ways to connect with your child during this life change:

  • Keep your kids out of conflict. The last thing you want is to end up accused of parental alienation by speaking ill of your former spouse in front of your kids when it’s your time to be with them. You shouldn’t ask them to take sides or try to get them to admit which parent they like more. Even if you despise your ex at this point, don’t make pointed comments about them in front of the kids. Be the bigger person.
  • Focus on building a stronger bond. A divorce is going to be tough on all parties involved, including your kids. Their sense of equilibrium and comfort has been transformed, possibly overnight. They may not know what to do. It’s up to you to assure them that your love for them hasn’t changed and isn’t conditional. Pay attention to what they need. Make an effort to play with them, involve yourself in their activities, and create lasting memories.
  • Answer their questions as honestly as you can. You’ve just gone through a divorce, and your kids are spending quality time with one parent at a time. They are going to have questions, and it’s up to you to decide just how truthful you want to be with your answers. While you shouldn’t blatantly lie to your kids, it’s important to tailor your responses to their maturity and age level. Don’t overwhelm them, but respect their position.

FAQs

Q: Which Parent Will Get Full Custody in Missouri?

A: There is no telling which parent will get full custody in your divorce. Neither parent has an automatic claim to your child’s custody. When determining custody, the court will need to consider what’s right for the child, and that may include ignoring the requests of both parents. The court will likely try to push for joint custody, as the court prefers to have both parents take an equal share of responsibility for raising their child.

Q: Can a Collaborative Divorce Help?

A: Yes, depending on your situation, a collaborative divorce can help make things easier for your kids’ transition from a two-parent household to two one-parent households. If you and your spouse are open to sitting down with a mediator to discuss a settlement that would be mutually beneficial to everyone, including your kids, this is a route you should seriously consider taking. After all, your priority here is ensuring your kids grow up in a stable, loving environment.

Q: How Soon After a Divorce Should I Start Dating?

A: There is no set answer to this question. Ultimately, you should start dating again whenever you feel ready to put your past relationship behind you, as you deserve to find love after divorce. When you have kids, dating can become far more complicated. You don’t want your kids to think you are actively trying to replace their other parent. This may start fostering resentment. Be mindful of your children’s needs when adding new people to your family dynamic.

Q: What Is the Most Effective Custody Arrangement?

A: Different custody arrangements work for different people, since everyone’s needs post-divorce are going to be unique. Generally, the court tends to favor joint custody arrangements, with each parent shouldering 50% of the parenting responsibility. In this arrangement, the kids still have frequent access to both parents, and most of the time, nobody feels left out.

Contact a Lawyer Today

The team at Stange Law Firm knows how difficult it can be to construct a new normal for your kids after divorce. Contact us to speak to a team member about your case and start moving forward with your family.