Holidays have added emotional and financial stress when parents have recently separated or divorced. If you are navigating a new custody arrangement, the approaching holidays can bring new challenges and concerns. Your parenting plan should address many specifics about holidays. If you and your co-parent have not already created a plan for the holidays, a child custody attorney in Columbia can help you navigate this process.
The holidays can be hard after a new divorce or separation, even when you and your spouse are on good terms and have a plan for where your kids will spend each holiday. It can still be hard to enjoy this time of year after such a substantial change in your life. While there is not an easy fix for everyone, here are some tips to make the holidays as stress-free as possible:
1.Take Initiative
You should be proactive in planning for the holidays and determining where and how holidays are spent in advance. Ideally, this hectic time of the year should be addressed when you determine child custody and create a parenting plan. If your parenting plan is too vague, you and your co-parent should discuss the specifics of when each of you will spend time with your children and how to allocate holiday time. This can limit future frustration or misunderstandings.
2.Prepare and Plan
You want to discuss issues ahead of time, including conflicts that might come up, how both parents will give gifts, and any traveling either parent wishes to do with kids. Plan for the finances and other logistics of holiday plans. Parents should consider each other’s schedules and their children’s schedules.
3.Maintain Communication
When you are co-parenting, especially when your parenting time is near-equal, communication is crucial. The holiday season can bring chaos and surprises, and co-parents need to keep each other informed of changes, concerns, and expectations. Strong communication can help limit the stressors during the holidays and mitigate conflict between parents.
4.Be Flexible
Planning ahead is crucial, but it is just as important to be willing and able to adjust those plans. Be willing to work with your co-parent to find solutions to issues when they arise and when changes that are outside your control impact your holiday expectations. You want to make the holidays as stress-free as possible for your kids, yourself, and your co-parent. Adjusting to new circumstances, opportunities, or roadblocks to provide your kids with fun holidays is crucial.
5.Always Put Your Kids First
You should always prioritize your children’s interests and needs. The holidays can lead to frustrations with your co-parent or concerns about spending time with your kids. It’s important to not let these issues affect your children. After a divorce or separation, the holidays will likely already be hard for kids to deal with, and you can help them by making it as special as possible.
6.Get Help When You Need It
While you should consider your children’s needs, it is important not to neglect your own well-being. This is often a difficult time, and you may not be as excited for the holidays as you usually would be. Consider ways you can take care of yourself, including getting help from your family and friends when you need it. Your support system can help you emotionally or practically with shipping, decorating, and other holiday activities.
7.Make New Traditions
The holidays are different after you and your co-parent separate. Instead of trying to replicate how things were, you could consider creating new traditions, either for yourself or your children. New traditions can help families adjust to the changes in their lives and still have some fun.
FAQs
Q: How Do You Split Holidays When Co-Parenting?
A: How you split holidays when you are co-parenting will depend on your child’s age and your family’s preferences and budget. Depending on your child’s age and maturity, you may want to talk with them to see what they want. Families may choose to split each holiday day in half, assign specific holidays to each parent, swap holidays each year, or other arrangements.
You may even want to spend the holiday together in certain cases. These are things you should discuss and plan for when creating your parenting plan.
Q: What Is the Biggest Mistake in a Custody Battle?
A: Two of the biggest mistakes in a custody battle are forgetting to consider your children’s interests first and considering the custody case to be a battle. Ideally, parents should be working for the child’s interests, even if they don’t agree.
Using your child as a messenger between you and your co-parent or talking badly about your co-parent to your child can have a severely negative effect on your child’s mental and emotional well-being. It can also result in you receiving less custody or even no custody if the court decides you are engaging in parental alienation.
Q: Who Wins Most Child Custody Cases?
A: Child custody cases are decided based on the child’s best interests. Neither parent has a legal advantage over the other. The court will consider the unique factors of a family’s circumstances, including the connection each parent has to their child.
Framing a custody case as who wins or loses is the wrong way to enter into a custody determination. If you think of the case this way, you may be more focused on whether you have an advantage over your co-parent instead of your children’s interests.
Q: Should Co-Parents Spend Holidays Together?
A: Whether co-parents should spend holidays together depends entirely on their unique situation and their family’s dynamic. It is generally agreed that parents should maintain a separate schedule for a few years after a divorce or separation. Otherwise, children may not accept the changes of the separation, especially younger children. If parents do spend holidays together, they should only do so if they can cooperate and make the experience fun for their children.
Reviewing Your Parenting Plan in Columbia
If you and your co-parent need help negotiating and planning for the holidays, a child custody and mediation attorney can help. An attorney can also help if you are hoping to modify the agreement to address the holidays. Contact Stange Law Firm today.
