Do you feel contempt?

On behalf of Stange Law Firm, PC posted in divorce on Friday, February 26, 2016.

According to one researcher, the number one reason for divorce among couples is contempt. When one or both members of a marriage develop feelings of contempt, it is unlikely they will remain married long.

Contempt arises when couples develop disagreements and then fail to work out effective solutions. They become angry, emotional and irrational towards each other and at that point, nothing the other party says makes any difference. If both partners are in this state, it is unlikely there will be any positive resolution and divorce may be the next step.

Ironically, if you do become angry and can learn to recognize it, you may still be able to alter your behavioral patterns and work out a compromise, which is what needs to happen to save your relationship.

If not, a spouse’s feelings may turn to contempt as they begin to feel superior to their “failed” other half, who is incapable of meeting their expectations.

When there is little fighting left, it may be a sign that both spouses have essentially given up. They avoid conflict and behave like roommates towards each other. While it may be less overtly stressful than constant bickering and fighting, if there are children, it is unlikely to provide a good model for their emotional development.

In a situation like this, staying together for the children’s sake may not really be a good idea, and you may need to discuss a change in your marital status. Children learn a great deal from observing their parents and a lifeless marriage punctuated by outbursts of contempt is not a lesson anyone should learn, let along your children.

Source:, “Research Has Spoken: This Is the Number One Predictor of Divorce,” Woman’s Day, February 22, 2016

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